


Enough

by LucisAbsentia



Series: Partner Mine [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, except it now has a sequel where it's not unrequited anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:20:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23073088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucisAbsentia/pseuds/LucisAbsentia
Summary: "It only took another year into their joint missions for them to fall into bed together. In hindsight, Obi-Wan should have realized they weren't on the same page."In which Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are field mission partners, Obi-Wan is desperately in love, and Qui-Gon is hopelessly oblivious.
Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn/Other(s)
Series: Partner Mine [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691356
Comments: 34
Kudos: 110





	Enough

It had been six years now that they'd been field partners.

For about a year after Obi-Wan's knighting, they'd parted ways, Obi-Wan taking a few missions on his own just to prove he could work alone. But they never really fell out of each other's orbit, continuing to communicate with each other, and when the solo year had passed, they'd both come to the same conclusion. It had been Qui-Gon who'd asked first, but Obi-Wan had been gearing up to do the same thing. They presented their request to be mission partners in front of the council, and everyone had agreed. The two of them had had a strong bond during Obi-Wan's training, and they made a good pair. Strong apart, but even stronger together, everyone could see that. 

And so their partnership began anew, this time as equals, with Obi-Wan taking lead on missions just as often as Qui-Gon did. Obi-Wan was so eager to work with his former Master, and he couldn't deny that a large part of it was his continuing attraction to him. He'd known, for several years, that he'd loved Qui-Gon, but had never revealed those feelings to him. It hadn't seemed appropriate at the time, and so he'd put his hopes in the future (Qui-Gon might poke fun at him for not living in the moment, but perhaps he would be forgiven just this one time). 

It only took another year into their joint missions for them to fall into bed together. In hindsight, Obi-Wan should have realized they weren't on the same page. There was no love confession, no tender looks, no preambles to sex. They were both jubilant after successfully negotiating a particularly difficult treaty, and perhaps a little tipsy from whatever they'd been drinking at the ensuing celebration. As soon as the door to their rooms had shut, Qui-Gon was pinning Obi-Wan against it, claiming his lips. He'd taken him right there, against the door, and Obi-Wan had seen stars. They were both eager, and wanting, and several more times that night they came together, each time the pace unrelenting and so damn _good_.

Nothing had seemingly changed, come morning. Qui-Gon had woken him up with a few kisses, followed by an absolutely tremendous blowjob, and they spent the hours before departure exploring each other again. It had seemed idyllic. Almost everything Obi-Wan could possibly ask for. The man he loved desired him. There was no awkwardness, no regret, no change in attitude towards each other save more positive flirtation.

It had taken several more missions until Obi-Wan started to realize that desire was all it was. 

Obi-Wan had been working up the courage to say just what he felt - their flirtations were lovely, and it seemed that Qui-Gon's libido was a perfect match to Obi-Wan's, which was to say that every moment they could spare that was private and not spent on work or food or sleep was often spent on sex. But there had never been any conversation about any sort of feelings. That was fine, they were field partners - it wasn't exactly as if they didn't have all the time in the world together. But it was at another celebration, another royal court, that he found he had to bite his tongue. Qui-Gon had that look of desire on his face, the one that, since they'd come together, Obi-Wan had only ever seen directed at him.

But Qui-Gon wasn't looking at Obi-Wan. 

The whole night, Obi-Wan clutched at a glass that never really emptied, as he watched Qui-Gon flirt with one of the courtiers. The man was handsome, dark hair and dark eyes, nothing like Obi-Wan in the slightest. For some reason, that stung. He didn't want anyone to be like him, and yet he wanted to know he was Qui-Gon's type. When Qui-Gon caught his eye, his master grinned - grinned! - before taking the man's arm and disappearing with him. 

Obi-Wan had felt sick. He'd excused himself from the festivities and returned to their room, pacing for a long while as he tried to release whatever ugly emotions he was feeling into the Force. But jealousy was strong, and Obi-Wan was in love. Qui-Gon didn't return for several hours, and Obi-Wan pretended to be asleep when the man sank into the bed next to him. 

The next morning, when Qui-Gon smiled at him and made some joke about being worn out, Obi-Wan felt his heart lurch. And if he blamed his morning sickness on a hangover, well, who could blame him? 

Life seemed to go on like nothing had even happened. And really, what had? Qui-Gon didn't seem to notice that he might have trampled on Obi-Wan's heart, but then again, Obi-Wan wasn't telling. If he had hidden his feelings before, he was absolutely burying them now. It wasn't as if Qui-Gon had done anything wrong. They weren't truly a couple. Qui-Gon had never professed his love (and neither had Obi-Wan) and it wasn't Qui-Gon's fault that Obi-Wan was just now realizing that casual sex was a thing. 

And he couldn't bring himself to deny Qui-Gon - or himself. He wanted the other man, desperately, longed for him for so many years, how was he to give up the parts of him that he had? He knew himself, and he knew Qui-Gon: there was no way to end this without having to spill his feelings. That was a sure way to end their partnership for good, he was certain. And if he could have a little part of Qui-Gon, then he was going to be selfish for once and keep it. For a little while, whenever Qui-Gon was touching him, he could lose himself, pretend those things meant more than they did. After all, Qui-Gon was still fucking him the most, they still shared a bed on every mission and Qui-Gon nearly always seemed content to satisfy himself with Obi-Wan. It was only on missions where Qui-Gon found someone who tore his attention away for a little while that Obi-Wan had to remember that they didn't touch, outside of sex. There was no holding hands, no kissing just for the sake of kissing, no inappropriate proximity as they spoke low with words for only the other to hear.

In a dark-lit club in the leisure part of town, Obi-Wan contemplated the past few years as he stared into a drink. It wasn't anyone's fault but his own, really. Qui-Gon had never given any indication that he thought of anything beyond their friendship. Sex did not have to mean love, and it was Obi-Wan's mistake to not remember that. His former master was off somewhere on the dance floor, pressed up against someone he'd found that looked better than Obi-Wan did tonight, apparently (and how? Obi-Wan had known they were coming here to blow off some steam after their mission, he'd put on synth leather pants that hugged every inch of him, a breezy top that slung low over his chest, he'd even lined his eyes with black kohl which he knew drove Qui-Gon crazy, and yet - ). It wasn't like Obi-Wan didn't have admirers, other people who clearly thought about spending a night with him, but he'd never taken any of those opportunities. He hadn't wanted to. Qui-Gon was all he wanted. Did Qui-Gon even notice, he wondered as he tipped his shot back, that Obi-Wan never took other lovers to bed? If he did, he certainly never commented. The man was all too happy to share details of his other exploits, never noticing (or maybe never caring) that Obi-Wan's interest was feigned. He hunched over as he scanned the room, trying to pretend he didn't see them huddled in the corner now, one large hand cupping the other's face, long hair nearly obscuring the view as they kissed. He tried not to think about how it felt to be the recipient of that kiss because Sith take him but just thinking about it - even as he watched Qui-Gon kiss someone that was _not him_ \- made heat rush through his veins.

Tearing his gaze away, he waved for another drink, knocking that one back too. This was pathetic, really. He was in a club, a place made to drink and dance and have fun, and he was pining over the only man he'd thought would maybe care about him. Oh, he knew that Qui-Gon cared, just - not as much as he wanted. Their friendship ran deep, and their field partnership was second to none. But Obi-Wan just wanted to be loved, dammit, didn't he deserve that? Why wasn't he enough? Qui-Gon was the only person he trusted enough to show him everything, give him everything, if only Qui-Gon would ask. He had so much to offer beyond sex - so of course he was in love with someone who didn't seem to desire anything more. 

With a heavy sigh, he slipped off the bar stool, hugging himself tightly and trying not to look to abjectly miserable. Six years ago he'd hoped that he'd one day be able to confess the depth of his feelings for Qui-Gon. That hope was all but dashed now. Through the bond they shared as field partners (shielded, always so tightly shielded, couldn't let anything slip through especially not during sex), he let Qui-Gon know he was heading back to the hotel they were staying in, getting a vague feeling of acknowledgement.

Maybe it was the drink, or the hopelessness, but all he could think of as he walked back to the hotel was that he was not enough, and he did not know how to be.

**Author's Note:**

> what the fuck is canon and what happened on Naboo?
> 
> I'm marking this complete for now, but maybe will return to add a second part. Maybe force Obi to confess, force Qui-Gon to do some thinking, we'll see!


End file.
